Grateful For Grandma & Grateful To Know

 Shortly after I finished my last post, my grandma passed away. 

I think I could feel her going, because around the same time I got notified she was gone ((3:33am) though I didnt see the text until morning) I felt such a pronounced feeling of separation from her, and loss. I couldn't not cry fully anymore and it all just poured out of me ㅠㅠ.... 

If you've ever lost someone you love, you know how hard it can be. And if you've ever waited to hear whether they were gone yet for long hours or days, you know all the anxiety and sadness that comes with it. Even if you didn't lose them, coming close to it still creates that daunting vision of life without them in your mind and that emptiness in your heart that seems ready to burst open any moment if they actually go. Death is never an easy thing for most of us.

Even with the hopes of God and knowing we can be together again, long separations are difficult. 

I know though that because of my faith in God I can make it through these experiences. I could never handle death if I really knew it was the end. I could never press forward positively if I knew I would never see my loved ones again. Because when they are everything to me, if they suddenly become nothing, then life is nothing too. What is it all for then? But it isn't like that. Our loved ones do go on to a better place, where they can live peacefully with God, where we can know they are well and safe, and where we will see them again when we go there as well. 

I'm so grateful for my testimony of God and His promises. That death is not the end, that it was overcome by Jesus Christ and His love, and that if I am faithful I can be with my grandma and other loved ones again, and live eternally with them in heaven, in glory, in peace and in happiness. 

I'm so grateful for my grandma and all the love and kindness that she showed me when she was here. From my earliest memories I remember her. I remember visiting her and my grandpa a lot, spending days at their house, going to stores with them, eating dinner, going to walk the beach, and hugging them. I remember there was always no other place I wanted to be when it was vacation time. I always wanted to spend it with them. And did as often as I could. 

I miss my grandma and my grandpa so deeply. I miss my other grandma, my uncle who has passed, my cousin, and my pets. Each separation brought a sadness with it. And some have been very deep and profound. But in the middle of it all I hear God's voice piercing through and reminding me that because of Him I don't need to mourn forever. I find comfort, and a greater resolve to do right, so that when my life is over I can feel like I did well, and inherit the promises I look forward too with my loved ones.

I'm so grateful for my grandma. I'm so grateful for God. I'm so grateful to know what I know and have the hope that I do.

If you are suffering with something similar, please know that God lives, loves you, and His promises are real. Your loved ones are not lost. They are with him, and will help him to watch over you until you go to meet them someday. I hope you will also find peace and comfort in these things. God is only a prayer away, always~♡

Love, Ah Nah ♡

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